My Grandniece Was Thrown Out of Her Home for Being Homosexual. What Can I Do?

My husband and I’ve been collectively for 35 years. At first, his massive household was open to us as a same-sex couple. However as they grew to become extra concerned with an excessive non secular group, we felt much less welcome of their houses. Finally, we reduce ties with lots of them. One among our nieces with whom we stay shut informed us that our 16-year-old grandniece not too long ago got here out as homosexual. She was requested to depart house by her mom. She moved in together with her father (her mom’s ex-husband), however she continues to be coping with recriminations from the household. We wish to help her, and we predict we may assist her navigate the coming-out course of. The issue: The lady has no concept we exist; apparently, we had been written out of the household story. We all know her household wouldn’t need us to be concerned, and we’d hate to trigger bother for the niece who informed us. Ought to we attain out to the lady or wait till she is an grownup at 18?

UNCLE

Name your grandniece now! She is a teen who was rejected by her mom: If she wants help, she wants it immediately — not in two years’ time. As on your involvement, who cares concerning the response of adults who would throw a toddler out of her house? And there’s no motive to inform anybody the supply of your info. Now, your grandniece could also be cautious of two uncles she’s by no means met. However that’s a danger price taking within the face of her mom’s cruelty.

Name or write your grandniece at her father’s home. Share your story together with her and let her know she will affirm it together with her aunt. Invite her to a meal or a espresso or a stroll within the park — no matter she’s snug with. I anticipate she’s going to welcome the invitation, however she is probably not prepared for it but, so don’t be upset if she wants a while to course of.

One of many nice strokes of fine fortune in my life has been having an uncle who modeled a loving homosexual relationship for me since childhood. And after I was your grandniece’s age, he grew to become a gentle supply of emotional help, too. I want the identical on your grandniece. Get again in contact should you need assistance, OK?

Can’t I Simply Swab a Deck or One thing?

I’ve a few associates who personal boats. They typically invite a dozen or so associates to spend the day on the water. They sometimes ask us to pitch in $10 or $15 towards the slip, fuel and different related prices. One proprietor did some renovations not too long ago and upped the prompt contribution to $25. I’ve at all times felt uncomfortable being requested to subsidize the price of boats. You possibly can depend on me to convey loads of snacks and keep afterward to assist clear up, however this value improve rubs me the improper manner. Doesn’t it appear extreme?

GUEST

You appear to not perceive how invites work: “No, thanks” is an A-OK response. So, if an invite rubs you the improper manner — or doesn’t “sit proper” with you, or seems like a “money seize,” to cite a number of the biggest hits from my mailbag — simply say no.

I’m certain some readers will agree with you that hosts asking for cash is the peak of rudeness. (They, too, can refuse these invites!) For me, although, the higher path is for hosts to create the gatherings they need, and for company to just accept or decline them. No have to grouse.

It’s Jack, Rose and That Door All Over Once more

Whereas on trip, my spouse and I bumped into knowledgeable acquaintance of mine. As we chatted, we found that we deliberate to attend the identical outside film that night time. (The placement is idyllic, and my spouse and I like to convey a picnic beforehand.) My acquaintance requested to affix us, however I didn’t need him to. So, in a panic, I stated that our blanket was too small to accommodate an additional particular person. My spouse thinks I used to be extremely impolite, however I feel my acquaintance was impolite to ask himself. Who is correct?

HUSBAND

Effectively, as excuses go, the too-small picnic blanket is fairly feeble. However you had been on the spot, and nobody sticks the touchdown each time. And whereas I don’t suppose your acquaintance did something improper by inviting you to go to the movie collectively, you had been beneath no obligation to just accept.

The following time one thing like this occurs, beg off by telling the opposite particular person that you just and your spouse have some issues to debate. You’re entitled to non-public time. (Observe: This excuse works like a dream every time somebody asks to crash your occasion.)

Lady, So Complicated

I’m 14. There’s this lady in my class I like, however she provides off iffy vibes: Someday, she’ll be actually into me, and the subsequent, she’ll completely ignore me. It drives me nuts! Please assist.

CONFUSED

Having a crush is usually a scrumptious form of agony: Does this particular person (whom I don’t know all that effectively) like me again? When you’re prepared to search out out, there isn’t a higher manner than hanging out collectively: Ask her to have lunch in the future or to get an Icee after college. It’s going to take bravery, however the image will change into a lot clearer. Good luck!

For assist along with your awkward state of affairs, ship a query to SocialQ@nytimes.com, Philip Galanes on Fb or @SocialQPhilip on X.